it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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