Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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