Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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