yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
