I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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