somebody snuck up and got me drunk
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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