No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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