Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
