My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
