Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
