this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize