Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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