break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
