Sry I called you an 8
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
