He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
