i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
