I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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