How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
