I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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