well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
