Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
