I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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