Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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