his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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