his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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