to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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