Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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