Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
