i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
