sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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