I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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