I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
