I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
