no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize