I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
