he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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