he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
