And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
