Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
