I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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