Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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