the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He felt like a one man threesome
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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