My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
