Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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