she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
