is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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