No stitches, just platelets and will power
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
