we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
