One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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