my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
