I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
