Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
3pm strippers are depressing
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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