If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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