Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
