Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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