ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
