I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
