Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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