one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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