when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
