He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
