you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
