if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
