Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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