just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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