what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
