just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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