His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize