I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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