i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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