how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
