My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
