I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
