those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
