He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
