i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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