I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
