After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
