Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
